worry

It’s very early for me. But I was laying there in dark and staring at the ceiling. I decided to write what is on my mind. I am sad today. I I think it’s about loss. My active alchie husband whom I trying to detach from and separate from was fired yesterday from his job. A friend has decided to take a break from his online friends, and my bosses won’t look me in the eye because they know I’m not happy about my job situation. All three are about loss. And fear about the future. I had a dream last night my husband was using again. I think he might self medicate because of this loss. I know I can’t control his action if he does, he does. And he will be outside of the house quicker. I’m feeling that trapped feeling again though . If we can’t work it out, I guess there’s not a perfect time to leave but it would be easier for my conscious if he had a job and he could support himself. I know that is not healthy. And it something I have to work on. About my friends who is leaving his online friends. Again I can’t control that. Completely out of my hands. And I have to trust Hp that if were supposed to stay friends we will. Thinking about my job next year is fruitless. There is no way I can know what’s going to happen.. And really it’s non of my business what my bosses are thinking about me. I have to try to live in today, not yesterday or tomorrow. If I don't I'm going to have a lot more nights waking me up at 5:00 in the morning staring at the ceiling. All I can do is ask god to take away my worry.