Self-Righteousness

I know that people read my blog and I try to be honest and positive in my writing as I work toward recovery. But I am also just as sick and messed up as everyone else. I suppose the difference is I’m just willing to write about it and be honest for anyone that cares to read about it. And maybe they might feel better. Maybe realize they are not alone in their recovery. On that note, I want to be honest about my tendency to be self -righteous. That word has been showing up in my life lately. In the readings I do, in step chat and I’ve been pulling that word out of a box in my woman’s Na group They have heard it all from me the good and the bad. And they still look at me with love in their eyes. So I feel better about sharing here. Sometime I catch myself judging others. I see someone new in recovery and I feel above them somehow. If they come over and want something from me, it’s worse. I think it must be all the low life’s my sister brought home that stole from our family and did drugs in front of my little sister. I left the word “low life’s” in because that is my judging coming out. Seeing them beneath me, lower in life, then me. I realize mentally that they are sick and I’m just a hop and a skip from where they are, yet I still get that little voice saying “low life” The reason I am aware of this is someone at a pot luck last night at The AA clubhouse a man came over to me and wanted to take the computer away from my son. To go on a chat site. He kept insisting even though I said no. He finally left, but I judged him all night. Even today I thought about him and what a low life he was. Why? To make myself feel better? Maybe by judging him I’m validating that I the good one in the program? I know how wrong that thinking is. And all the reading I done up to this point validates how wrong that thinking is. But to not jump straight to that attitude is hard for me. Judging is very deeply embedded I think. So the only thing I can do is call myself on it. Like today,. Tell the world how messed up I am and ask hp to help me with my faults. And strive to be a less judgmental person.