approval

My week has been a roller coaster ride of learning and lessons. I feel like the coaster has sped up and is rounding a sharp bend. Sunday, I realize that I am an addict that is addicted to approval. Sunday night, I come into chat and someone says to me “God Cyndi I’m so sick of you. You are whiney, you always have to be liked and you say things that are not true.” This hurt because I respected the person and they disproved of me. They put me on ignore so I couldn’t respond or make amends or work through it. I realized that this was a lesson from my Higher Power. To let go let God. Also, a lesson about gossip and how destructive it is. I have to remember in the program its principles not personalities. Monday, I crashed and burned in the al-anon meeting and had the feeling that everyone disproved of my action. So, I shared about my feelings and I realized I’m ok with someone that is not happy with my behavior. Not my business if they don’t like me or disapprove of me. I do my best to find out if I was at fault and make amends if it is.. And let it go if I can’t change it. I have come to the conclusion that I want healthy people in my life. People that will communicate with me if they feel hurt or wronged. True friends, that don’t listen to gossip, can make apologies and accept them. Friends that don’t attack and hurt people in open forums. This is my new healthier way of thinking and I like it and it feels right. That’s all that matters is that I am getting better. I’m not here to save the world one person at a time. I’m not here to get everyone’s approval either.