Soothe The Savage Beast

My emotional state is like a strange animal, Sometimes I feel like a happy family dog, following the tools in the program and surrendering control to HP. I’m calm and life is good. Others times I’m biting at people like a wounded cat. Hissing my despair and lashing out at those trying to help. Sometimes I’m like a porcupine very untouchable and isolated. I wish I knew myself well enough to know the triggers that cause my emotional animal to react. I could then sooth the beast and avoid possible situations where I would have to make amends later. I realize why my behavior is wrong but I have trouble getting to the real reason I’m reacting . And I really do want to get to the cause and give it HP. I would rather be the happy joyous and free family dog then the wounded cat. And I’m sure so would others around me. So I apologize, hope they still love me, and go to meetings. I call my sponsor, work the steps, and I pray for the reason for my feelings. And I forgive myself, because I deserve to be loved even, if I’m wounded jungle cat sometimes.