Doubt

How do you know when you make a huge decision if it’s right or not? I have been struggling with the choices I have made lately and if they are the right path to take.. Choices that are affecting my life and others around me in a huge way. I feel like I’m creating sadness around me. Yet, if I don’t I am sad. I feel selfish and guilty. And I think about sacrificing my happiness for those around me. Then I realize if I’m not happy how can the people in my life be happy? More pain more suffering. I know that fear is the basis for my questioning the choices I’m making. I am scared that what I am doing is wrong but fear is something I created to protect myself when I was a child. And at this point my fear could make me stay unhealthy. I truly understand the serenity prayer now. God grant me peace over my helplessness, courage to change how I feel and wisdom to know it’s the right path. I know I have to take care of me. And in the process those around me will find happiness too.

Self Acceptance

As you know from reading my blogs, I chew on an idea for awhile before I write about it. Usually HP shoves it in my face as if to say get on with it, write about it. At the moment accepting self keeps showing up in not so subtle hints. I think it’s probably because I opened the door with “Too thine own self be true” as my new years resolution. And my God said ok it’s time to accept yourself then. I’ve been trying to figure out how to accept myself and I’ve found some really great websites. One is http://www.selfcreation.com/acceptance/index.htm
I learned that to accept myself I have to accept my flaws. This is not to say I resign myself to my flaws just that I am ok with me just the way I am. Also, that just because there are things I would like to change about myself, it doesn’t mean that those things are bad or wrong. Just not something I want. What I’m hoping to gain from accepting myself is an inner sense of appreciation. Not to have the need of approval from others. The author of self creation writes “when you feel a sense of inner acceptance and appreciation, there is no need for approval from others. When the question, “Am I a worthy/valuable person?” has been answered by your own voice with a resounding “Yes”, one doesn’t continue to ask that question of others. I want to become that person that doesn’t look to others for approval. My goal for the new year is to accept myself just the way I am. And once I love myself I will find happiness. This will be a long process and I will write about how it’s going of course.