Pain and Love

I was hesitant about writing today, because I feel numb and shell shocked from the experience in Dallas. My sister and I went down there to see my dad. The first day we arrived we missed our flight. We had to catch the later flight and we arrived very late. My aunt’s roommate decided to wake my dad up to see us. He looked terrible. Pale as a ghost. I don’t think my sister had accepted the fact that he was dying until that moment. She had to leave the room and cry. This happened for 3 days. I stayed strong for her. Giving her support and strength. On Wednesday my dads surgery was unsuccessful. On Thursday, he went into a diabetic comma because the nurses didn’t test his sugar. I got him to drink some juice by screaming at him to wake up and drink it. My voice somehow got through to him. He cried and said he didn’t mean to scare me. I told him it wasn’t his fault. That he didn’t do anything. I had to leave the room. I had reached my breaking point.
When someone close to you is in that condition. Every hurt feeling seems small and petty. It is easy to forgive. My sister and dad have not been that close since he lived in California. She was angry at him for a very long time. That all went away last week. Evaporated like a bad dream. I think that is HP plan in some cases. My sister asked me, “why he is having to die this way, so slowly?”. I think, so that there is closure for everyone and forgiveness. Last week was hell on earth, but seeing my sister and dad get close again was a gift from god. I feel closer to both of them now for having that experience. But I wish now we could have more time with him.